People have a phenomenal capacity for mimicry. How much does repetition, duplication, unnecessary theater drive my unemployment into the ground? When I watch Mad Men I start looking for a collins tumbler and whiskey. When Bloodsport is on I want to exercise or at least punch something. Whether it be bank robbers, ninjas, or supervillainy, certain movies encourage a mindset.
That, of course, is the power of entertainment. It encourages an emotional response without necessitating the circumstances behind said emotion. It’s virtual reality, it’s safe. But how fully do these symptoms subside? When I argue with about unclear expectations and botched organization, am I reflecting the realities present around me or am I merely acting the part of a frustrated employee? Have I, consciously or otherwise, seen just enough triggers to make me think that I’m in that role and reality is just fine, or is my work really just that piss poor.
The difficulty is muddled by a tendency to hyperbolize. My coworkers are largely not technical. I can not explain the specifics of the scenario and let them evaluate the consequences thusly. Instead I have to analogize and present things in the context of a story – but a boring story is boring to tell. I make a point of qualifying when possible, but every minute problem is an epic disaster simply because I’m bored telling routine. How much have I created the reality that I pretend I find myself in?
It’s an impossibly post-modern conundrum. The most that I can take away is that if true, if I’m just acting the part of the slightest employee, than in the past and occasional present I act just as equally as the competent fixer. Reality be damned, I’ve benefited from playing my role just as much as I’ve suffered. And it’s been a damn good act – everyone has been extremely complimentary this week. Absurdly so, in fact. I’m actually quite convinced that everyone’s just patting me on the head so they don’t have to listen to me screech anymore. Whatever…I’ll take it.
My consolation is that I’m hardly the first person in this position. In fact, it appears to be a very common setup especially in the IT world. Allow my to present IT Employees – why they don’t work right. It’s just like reading a horoscope and seeing truth in everything. I love it.
And that’s my blurb for this week. Nothing too enthralling otherwise. It’s a busy weekend with absolutely nothing planned. I’m 25% done with a new novel – which is acceptable if a tad behind schedule. Could be worse.
But won’t be better as long as I keep writing here. Adieu as usual.
