Servusamanu.com

I feel like the last two weeks have been especially rife with issues of moral ambiguity.

They began with a library experiencing internet issues. On this particular day the server itself was having known problems. My coworker was supposed to have run a process the day before, and he did so, but our the process that he was given, by a no longer existent coworker, was wrong. We ran the correct process, but unfortunately that froze things up since it was really supposed to be run on a weekend.

Now this particular library has some consistent, obvious, and known (to me) issues, but I’ve gotten their tech consultant fired from three other libraries for incompetence. Since then, it’s safe to say we have not had a positive relationship. The result is a tech guy telling the library that I’m incompetent, a server that’s actually malfunctioning, and a library that has some obvious issues that aren’t being presented to them fairly (because their tech support consultant is a moron.)

Enter me this last week. I get prickly emails from the library confirming that we had botched things up, which indeed we had, but the truth of the issue was rather beyond that. First I spoke to the coworker to get an idea of what was going on, then I took a call from a library staff member and described the issue lightly, and then I responded to what seemed to me to be an irate library email with a phone call where I did my best to explain the whole issue…but without throwing my coworker under the bus or lying profoundly. I probably failed in all regards.

Later, of course, the system director came by…long after the issue was passed…to figure out the problem. This time I had to not look incompetent myself, while not tossing staff in front of issues, and constraining the issue. It’s honestly all politicking. That’s all I do.

A good part of that has to do with my ever-ambiguous role at my job. Twice now I’ve had bosses I would consider less than competent, and twice now they’ve left. In neither case have I been given an obvious and public clarification of my title or responsibilities. In neither case (yet anyway) have I gotten the title and role I might desire, but then again no one else has actually been clearly given (or performed), all the new responsibilities that arise. Ex. I held onto my first bosses contracts because he couldn’t maintain them. Supposedly my second boss was maintaining them. Come to find out, the business office didn’t have any of them right. I’ve mentioned that issue before. It’s the most egregious example but one of a dozen or so that seem to have arisen in just the last week.

The moral ambiguity comes from a disconnect between the authority I need to actually be responsible, the amount that is expected, the amount that I’ve publicly been given, and the amount, or lack thereof, that I want. On one hand, I’m not keen to have yet one more inept boss over me. On the other hand, another inept boss actually makes my job easier. As long as there’s someone at the top of the pyramid flailing about, no one realizes just how little grasp I actually have of my own work.

And therein lies the real admission. I have a continuity plan to design – because no one has ever made one, I have an authentication issue to resolve – because my previous boss was not a web designer and seems to have mucked the site up beyond repair, I have a work logging process to design, implement, and enforce since all our previous ones have failed, a product upgrade to schedule – except the product was tested and failed and is still being rolled out, a database that doesn’t work that was my previous bosses specialty, a third floor to wire and maintain, an email server in dire need of an update, a web filter to be installed, thoughts to put together on the resumes for my maybe new boss, a system website that is and always shall be an epic mess, a tech support phone that makes staffing impossible, and statistics to generate for the first time…none of this involves the actual routine tasks that fill my time.

I’m hardly the only busy work person – and I have the benefit of a 35 hour work day, health care, and abundant days off. I have no actual right to complain (not that that makes anything better), but the stress just seems so unnecessary. None of these are real issues. They only become issues because we’ve staffed poorly, promised badly, failed to cost out projects, and generally botched it all up. I can’t decide whether I want full responsibility, or I want to crawl away in a hole and hide. Every once in a while the phrase “winners want the ball” comes to mind…meaning successful people take the lead. The flipside is that losers have the ball when they lose. That doesn’t seem so good at all.

Blah blah blah. Just another person bitching about work. I wonder, though, do most people leave their jobs with a profound sense, not just of frustration, but of failure? The feeling that no matter what you might try you will only ever contribute to the greater entropy of civilization? Does everyone envision themselves as an undersized cog in an unruly and fundamentally flawed contraption? I’m not sure that’s true.

I had the opportunity to consult with a library a few days ago. I was able to provide some suggestions, offer some assistance to an IT consultant, make a small minute contribution. That seemed positive, valuable, productive. On the way back, I had more emails detailing the org structure and battles to come. Ruined everything.

And, are those battles worth fighting for fleeting glimpses of genuine output or is it all just a mirage to pass the time? Am I or anyone else better served by trying to take a lead and fix things, fall back and let everything flow as it would, or ditching the whole thing together. I suspect I won’t know until the decisions made for me. Until then, it’s ambiguity by the bucket, with lots more to come.

In 2011 I actually got a couple things published – online anyway. I’m still hoping to finish my novel, so nothing new on that, but in the mean time, I’ve apparently got my name at the following locations.

• Hull Breach – March 2011 – http://www.kasmamagazine.com/hullbreach.html
• 451 Dewey – December 2011 – http://www.fiction365.com.php5-12.dfw1-1.websitetestlink.com/?m=20111215&cat=1&order=ASC
• The Martyr – May 2011 – http://thefringemagazine.blogspot.com/2011/05/fiction-martyr-by-robert-drake.html
• La Petite Mort – published online. I’m still not convinced the publisher isn’t just a vanity press in disguise. Until I’m convinced they aren’t a scam, I’m not linking to them.

• I had one story that was accepted and then the publisher seems to have disappeared before my story came out.
• I had also two stories accepted in 2011 for publication 2012 that I’m waiting on.

Not exactly a massive bibliography, but growing! I’ll update with new looks once the stories are up

Over the course of each year I compile a list of words that strike me amusing, or fun to say, or interesting, or bafflingly strange.  Now that the end of the year is here, it’s time for me to unravel my self-compiled dictionary of strange for the amusement of many, or just me.  Enjoy!

Previous Lists

2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011

2012 – beginning with some unusual market words

1.       Monopoly:n:one seller, many buyers

2.       Duopoly::n:two sellers, many buyers

3.       Oligopoly:n:a few sellers, many buyers

4.       Monopsony: one buyer, many sellers

5.       Duopsony:n:two buyers, many sellers

6.       Oligopsony:n:a few buyers, many sellers

7.       Abnormous: adj: irregular

8.       Adoxography: n: fine writing in praise of trivial or base subjects

9.       Adytum: n:  sacred place that the public is forbidden to enter; an inner shrine.

10.   Agraffe: n: a clasp, often richly ornamented, for clothing or armor.

11.   Ambisinister: adj: Clumsy or unskillful with both hands.

12.   Anatine: adj: resembling a duck.

13.   Apricate: v: To bask in the sun.

14.   Aureate: adj: haracterized by an ornate style of writing or speaking.

15.   Autoschediastical: adj: Something improvised or extemporized.

16.   Bandersnatch: n: An imaginary wild animal of fierce disposition.

17.   Bedaub:v: to besmear, also to over-decorate

18.   Bezoar: n: a counterpoison or antidote.

19.   Bobbery: n: a disturbance or brawl

20.   Bodger: adj & n: worthless or second-rate, a labourer who traditionally lived and worked in the forest, making chairs from felling trees

21.   Boscage:n:A mass of trees or shrubs.

22.   Buss n,v: a kiss, to kiss

23.   Brontide: n: a rumbling noise heard occasionally in some parts of the world, probably caused by seismic activity.

24.   Brux: v: to clench and grind the teeth; gnash.

25.   Cacoethes:n:An irresistible urge; mania.

26.   Callithump: n: A children’s parade, with prizes for the best costumes.

27.   Canorous: adj: Richly melodious; pleasant sounding; musical.

28.   Causeuse: n: an upholstered settee for two persons.

29.   Caroche: n: (in the 17th century) a luxurious or stately coach or carriage.

30.   Cento: n: a piece of writing, especially a poem, composed wholly of quotations from the works of other authors.

31.   Charivari:n:A noisy, mock serenade to a newly married couple, involving the banging of kettles, pots, and pans.

32.   Chatoyant: adj: changing in luster or color, twinkling

33.   Clinquant: adj: Glittering with gold or silver; tinseled.

34.   Cockshut: n: the close of the day; evening; twilight.

35.   Collop: n: a small slice of meat

36.   Cortege: n: A procession, especially a ceremonial one.

37.   Corybantic:adj: Frenzied, agitated, unrestrained

38.   Crepitate: v: to make a crackling sound; crackle

39.   Daedal: adj: Skillful; artistic; ingenious.

40.   Dapple: n: a small Corybantic block, also to mark with spots

41.   Decollete: adj: Wearing a low-necked garment.

42.   Dehisce: v: to burst open, as capsules of plants; gape.

43.   Deray: n: Disorder; merriment

44.   Dharna:n:In India,the practice of exacting justice or compliance with a just demand by sitting and fasting at the doorstep of an offender until death or until the demand is granted.

45.   Digamy: n: a second marriage, after the death or divorce of the first husband or wife;

46.   Ectype: n: A reproduction; copy

47.   Epigamic: adj: Attracting the opposite sex, as the colors of certain birds.

48.   Erubescent: adj: Becoming red or reddish; blushing.

49.   Erumpent: adj: bursting forth

50.   Esculent: adj: suitable for use as food; edible.

51.   Factotum: n: a person employed to do all kinds of work, any employee or official having many different responsibilities.

52.   Fain: adv: Gladly; Willingly.

53.   Fascicle: n: A section of a book or set of books published in installments as separate pamphlets or volumes.

54.   Fanfaronade: n: Swaggering; empty boasting; blustering manner or behavior; ostentatious display.

55.   Ferrule:n:a ring or cap, usually of metal, put around the end of a post, cane, or the like, to prevent splitting. a short metal sleeve for strengthening a tool handle at the end holding the tool.

56.   Feuilleton:  n: a part of a European newspaper devoted to light literature, fiction, criticism, etc.

57.   Garth: n: Also called cloister-garth. an open courtyard enclosed by a cloister.

58.   Gangrel: n: a lanky, loose-jointed person.

59.   Gnathonic: adj: sycophantic; fawning.

60.   Hagiography: n: the writing and critical study of the lives of the saints

61.   Hebetude: n: the state of being dull; lethargy.

62.   Hogmanay:n:A gift given on New Year’s

63.   Impignorate: v: To place in pawn; to pledge or mortgage.

64.   Jumentous: adj: smelling strongly like a beast of burden;

65.   Katzenjammer: n: the discomfort and illness experienced as the aftereffects of excessive drinking; hangover.

66.   Kip:n: Sleep; a place to sleep; a bed.

67.   Lyard:adj:Streaked or spotted with gray or white.

68.   Macilent: adj: Lean, shrivelled, or excessively thin.

69.   Mansuetude:n: Mildness; gentleness.

70.   Malapert: adj: unbecomingly bold or saucy.

71.   Mattoid: n: a person displaying eccentric behaviour and mental characteristics that approach the psychotic

72.   Nautiform: adj: Shaped lik the hull of a ship.

73.   Octer: n: Armpit

74.   Paphian: adj: Of or pertaining to love, esp. illicit physical love.

75.   Parergon: noun: work undertaken in addition to one’s principle work.

76.   Pilgarlic: n: a person regarded with mild or pretended contempt or pity.

77.   Plangent: adj: Beating with a loud or deep sound, as, “the plangent wave.” .Expressing sadness; plaintive.

78.   Plenilune: n: The full moon or the time of a full moon.

79.   Procellous: adj; Stormy, as the sea.

80.   Postprandial: adj: Happening or done after a meal.

81.   Purlieu: n:  place where one may range at large; confines or bounds.

82.   Scacchic: adj: Of or pertaining to chess.

83.   Sennight: n: a week

84.   Serry: v: To crowd closely together.

85.   Sitzfleisch: n: The ability to sit through or tolerate something boring.

86.   Sockdolager: n: A decisive reply, argument.

87.   Sophrosyne: n: moderation; discretion; prudence.

88.   Stertor: n: a heavy snoring sound

89.   Tenterhooks:n:  in a state of uneasy suspense or painful anxiety.

90.   Thrasonical: adj: boastful; vainglorious.

91.   Tiffin: n: Lunch, or any light meal.

92.   Titubant: n: A disturbance of body equilibrium in standing or walking, resulting in an uncertain gait and trembling

93.   Ugsome: adj: horrid; loathsome.

94.   Umquhile: Formerly, previously; former, late.

95.   Usufruct: n: the right to use the property of another as long as it isn’t damaged

96.   Uxorious: adj: excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

97.   Virilocal: adj: Living with or located near a husband’s father’s family.

98.   Volvelle: n: a medieval instrument consisting of a series of concentric rotating disks, used to compute the phases of the moon and its position in relation to that of the sun.

99.   Wanion: n: curse, vengeamce

100.                        Weltschmerz: n: Sentimental pessimism; sorrow that one feels and accepts as one’s necessary portion in life.

 

1.       Monopoly:n:one seller, many buyers

2.       Duopoly::n:two sellers, many buyers

3.       Oligopoly:n:a few sellers, many buyers

4.       Monopsony: one buyer, many sellers

5.       Duopsony:n:two buyers, many sellers

6.       Oligopsony:n:a few buyers, many sellers

7.       Abnormous: adj: irregular

8.       Adoxography: n: fine writing in praise of trivial or base subjects

9.       Adytum: n:  sacred place that the public is forbidden to enter; an inner shrine.

10.   Agraffe: n: a clasp, often richly ornamented, for clothing or armor.

11.   Ambisinister: adj: Clumsy or unskillful with both hands.

12.   Anatine: adj: resembling a duck.

13.   Apricate: v: To bask in the sun.

14.   Aureate: adj: haracterized by an ornate style of writing or speaking.

15.   Autoschediastical: adj: Something improvised or extemporized.

16.   Bandersnatch: n: An imaginary wild animal of fierce disposition.

17.   Bedaub:v: to besmear, also to over-decorate

18.   Bezoar: n: a counterpoison or antidote.

19.   Bobbery: n: a disturbance or brawl

20.   Bodger: adj & n: worthless or second-rate, a labourer who traditionally lived and worked in the forest, making chairs from felling trees

21.   Boscage:n:A mass of trees or shrubs.

22.   Buss n,v: a kiss, to kiss

23.   Brontide: n: a rumbling noise heard occasionally in some parts of the world, probably caused by seismic activity.

24.   Brux: v: to clench and grind the teeth; gnash.

25.   Cacoethes:n:An irresistible urge; mania.

26.   Callithump: n: A children’s parade, with prizes for the best costumes.

27.   Canorous: adj: Richly melodious; pleasant sounding; musical.

28.   Causeuse: n: an upholstered settee for two persons.

29.   Caroche: n: (in the 17th century) a luxurious or stately coach or carriage.

30.   Cento: n: a piece of writing, especially a poem, composed wholly of quotations from the works of other authors.

31.   Charivari:n:A noisy, mock serenade to a newly married couple, involving the banging of kettles, pots, and pans.

32.   Chatoyant: adj: changing in luster or color, twinkling

33.   Clinquant: adj: Glittering with gold or silver; tinseled.

34.   Cockshut: n: the close of the day; evening; twilight.

35.   Collop: n: a small slice of meat

36.   Cortege: n: A procession, especially a ceremonial one.

37.   Corybantic:adj: Frenzied, agitated, unrestrained

38.   Crepitate: v: to make a crackling sound; crackle

39.   Daedal: adj: Skillful; artistic; ingenious.

40.   Dapple: n: a small Corybantic block, also to mark with spots

41.   Decollete: adj: Wearing a low-necked garment.

42.   Dehisce: v: to burst open, as capsules of plants; gape.

43.   Deray: n: Disorder; merriment

44.   Dharna:n:In India,the practice of exacting justice or compliance with a just demand by sitting and fasting at the doorstep of an offender until death or until the demand is granted.

45.   Digamy: n: a second marriage, after the death or divorce of the first husband or wife;

46.   Ectype: n: A reproduction; copy

47.   Epigamic: adj: Attracting the opposite sex, as the colors of certain birds.

48.   Erubescent: adj: Becoming red or reddish; blushing.

49.   Erumpent: adj: bursting forth

50.   Esculent: adj: suitable for use as food; edible.

51.   Factotum: n: a person employed to do all kinds of work, any employee or official having many different responsibilities.

52.   Fain: adv: Gladly; Willingly.

53.   Fascicle: n: A section of a book or set of books published in installments as separate pamphlets or volumes.

54.   Fanfaronade: n: Swaggering; empty boasting; blustering manner or behavior; ostentatious display.

55.   Ferrule:n:a ring or cap, usually of metal, put around the end of a post, cane, or the like, to prevent splitting. a short metal sleeve for strengthening a tool handle at the end holding the tool.

56.   Feuilleton:  n: a part of a European newspaper devoted to light literature, fiction, criticism, etc.

57.   Garth: n: Also called cloister-garth. an open courtyard enclosed by a cloister.

58.   Gangrel: n: a lanky, loose-jointed person.

59.   Gnathonic: adj: sycophantic; fawning.

60.   Hagiography: n: the writing and critical study of the lives of the saints

61.   Hebetude: n: the state of being dull; lethargy.

62.   Hogmanay:n:A gift given on New Year’s

63.   Impignorate: v: To place in pawn; to pledge or mortgage.

64.   Jumentous: adj: smelling strongly like a beast of burden;

65.   Katzenjammer: n: the discomfort and illness experienced as the aftereffects of excessive drinking; hangover.

66.   Kip:n: Sleep; a place to sleep; a bed.

67.   Lyard:adj:Streaked or spotted with gray or white.

68.   Macilent: adj: Lean, shrivelled, or excessively thin.

69.   Mansuetude:n: Mildness; gentleness.

70.   Malapert: adj: unbecomingly bold or saucy.

71.   Mattoid: n: a person displaying eccentric behaviour and mental characteristics that approach the psychotic

72.   Nautiform: adj: Shaped lik the hull of a ship.

73.   Octer: n: Armpit

74.   Paphian: adj: Of or pertaining to love, esp. illicit physical love.

75.   Parergon: noun: work undertaken in addition to one’s principle work.

76.   Pilgarlic: n: a person regarded with mild or pretended contempt or pity.

77.   Plangent: adj: Beating with a loud or deep sound, as, “the plangent wave.” .Expressing sadness; plaintive.

78.   Plenilune: n: The full moon or the time of a full moon.

79.   Procellous: adj; Stormy, as the sea.

80.   Postprandial: adj: Happening or done after a meal.

81.   Purlieu: n:  place where one may range at large; confines or bounds.

82.   Scacchic: adj: Of or pertaining to chess.

83.   Sennight: n: a week

84.   Serry: v: To crowd closely together.

85.   Sitzfleisch: n: The ability to sit through or tolerate something boring.

86.   Sockdolager: n: A decisive reply, argument.

87.   Sophrosyne: n: moderation; discretion; prudence.

88.   Stertor: n: a heavy snoring sound

89.   Tenterhooks:n:  in a state of uneasy suspense or painful anxiety.

90.   Thrasonical: adj: boastful; vainglorious.

91.   Tiffin: n: Lunch, or any light meal.

92.   Titubant: n: A disturbance of body equilibrium in standing or walking, resulting in an uncertain gait and trembling

93.   Ugsome: adj: horrid; loathsome.

94.   Umquhile: Formerly, previously; former, late.

95.   Usufruct: n: the right to use the property of another as long as it isn’t damaged

96.   Uxorious: adj: excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

97.   Virilocal: adj: Living with or located near a husband’s father’s family.

98.   Volvelle: n: a medieval instrument consisting of a series of concentric rotating disks, used to compute the phases of the moon and its position in relation to that of the sun.

99.   Wanion: n: curse, vengeamce

100.                        Weltschmerz: n: Sentimental pessimism; sorrow that one feels and accepts as one’s necessary portion in life.

I’ve spent the last 12 months talking about leaving work. I have a board that sits behind my desk with such carefully chosen quotes as “Fire me please. I dislike being here immensely. I hate my job.” I’ve admitted privately, publicly, in writing, and across state lines how disorganized, poorly planned, and inadequate the whole organization is managed. I’ve apologized to a few hundred people for how poorly myself, my department, and my organization accounts itself in service, support, timeliness, training, capacity etc. I’ve squawked, hollered, threatened, cajoled, and blustered…for damn close to a full year.

And somehow I’ve now become department head.

A year ago I was rather keen on the position. I’m not baselessly enraged at my employer – I just find it rather absurd for place with financial difficulties to do work for customers that don’t have contract, do work for customers that have contracts but haven’t paid them, and not do work for customers with contracts that have paid. I find it absurd to test a piece of software, have the test fail, and then continue pushing it out. I find it absurd that the tech manager, the director, and the business office have completely different lists of who’s on contracts. I find it absurd to decrease capacity to reformat computers while simultaneously attempting to acquire more computers to reformat – at no cost savings whatsoever.

Frankly I’m just tired of apologizing and now that’s actually my responsibility.

Far too young, not really qualified, a troublemaker, a bit too keen to challenge fate. If there’s anyone who doesn’t really deserve the job (as opposed to being capable of doing it), it’s me. Then again, salary negotiations are still underway. The current direction seems to offer me a nice cushy title – and jack more. That, of course, precipitates my planned departure. As it is, even rather favorable negotiations end ambiguously. Potential income elsewhere is too high, potential quality of life from consulting too enticing.
I’ve spent the morning cleaning up contracts, smoothing feathers between IT consultants who are having their chains jerked around, informing geriatric staff that circular plugs indeed do not fit into rectangular holes (literally – ps2 vs USB port, ugh!), figuring out undocumented purchasing procedures that require contacting account reps no one has spoken to in decades, and a dozen odd separate routine tasks that constitute normal operation. It’s not abominable work by any means but that does not necessary make it particularly desirable either.

Six or so months from now I’m going to have to actually decide whether or not this is worth it. Advice tends to fall into a few strains – Who the hell leaves a job in this market?, Why leave a situation that you’ve been so successful at?, and take chances when you’ve got them – go consult! The fact that advice has fallen so scattershot suggests to me that there is no actual appropriate course of action. It’s basically a dice roll. Choice comes with consequence but there doesn’t appear to be any particular way to foresee those consequences – there’s no real basis to do one thing or another.

Which brings me to my conclusion – nothing at all, also known as the running theme of Servusamanu. Never have so many words been written on so little. I expect I’ll know in a few weeks whether I finally have time to write, or whether I spend the next year wrangling with disaster. Either way, 2012 is going to be interesting.

I’ve largely ignored any sort of technical postings this year. Most of the issues I handle at work are ‘soft’ IT – paperwork, purchasing, smoothing feathers. I don’t generally work with items deeply enough to have any engrained understanding nor do I spend any of my personal time really hacking away at anything computer related. My particular interests, knowledge, and capacity sadly don’t give me any real ability to contribute to the wide world of software, hardware, and general geekery.

The sole exception to this, or rather the sole potential exception to this, is WordPress. I’ve been using it as my go-to CMS since the late days of version 1. That sounds like I’m some sort of early adopter – the reality is I came in to the game fairly late. WordPress has since become tremendously popular so I beat the wave slightly, but people with far less usage than I understand how it works far better and far more completely. No competition there, just a statement of fact.

Still, I did get a plugin into the repository. I have made a handful of other small plugins for personal or contract use. Nothing interesting, nothing too elaborate, nothing to be inordinately proud of, but it shows some tangible dedication that I can’t prove otherwise. It’s also put me into contact with a dozen or so people throughout the world. A few initially had questions with my plugin. Frequently that expanded a bit into general wordpress assistance. On a couple odd occasions I’ve gotten payment or donations.

The new version of wordpress looks great. I expected nothing less. It was WordPress’ emphasis on ease of use over feature-bloat that attracted me in the first place. Over the last few versions, the admin bar was not my favorite but I’ve grown into it. Some of the menu placements still sort of ring false. Overall though, and with the new version in particular, everything seems smooth, clean, and easy. WordPress came of age a while ago (WordPress 2.7 would be my dating – autoupgrade is genius), but the new version has sort of inspired me to try to understand what’s actually going on a little bit better. It’s the end of the year – I’m basically looking for things to promise and fail on. I’m in a mood to write down aspirations I’ll never actually have time to make good, but only a year or so ago I wrote a plugin that now has some 10000 downloads. Maybe I can do that again.

Either way, congratulations to all the WordPress coders. I stand in tremendous awe of those with the time, talent, and wherewithal to give unpaid support for the betterment of mankind. Only in IT, specifically in open-source IT, have generosity and talent actually come together. The world is a better place for it.

In the past few weeks I’ve gotten quite a bit completed. The timeframe is to actually push this survey in mid January – possibly before the spring semester even begins. That’s largely the motivation but I’m also rather excited to see the results. Work is largely a shitshow – more on that some other time – and my other classes are more exhausting than enlightening at this point. My independent is the big task that somehow stands above it all as both interesting, productive, and actually pleasant to work on.

So, where do things stand? I had my list of services and I did eventually get around to making a list of questions. After doing that I had nearly 400 separate queries – far more than I could reasonably expect any given employee to complete let alone the 16 individuals that I really need complete responses from.

In sorting through this problem, I devised a few solutions. First, I’m now running two surveys. The first will be directed toward system directors. This questionnaire will concentrate on salary costs and perceptions of consolidation. In total this came out to about 23 questions, but the first handful are trivial (Name, System, etc), and most of them are radio buttons or checkboxes. I expect it to take about 30 minutes.

The second survey is currently down to 125 questions. It has questions on the system’s facilities, it asks for a few pieces of documentation, it asks similar questions about consolidation as the director survey, and then it asks a wide variety of questions regarding responsibilities. For each responsibility – enumerated in a previous posting – I’ve created nine broad questions that I want to answer. These can be summarized as: time, cost, performed for whom, performed by whom, financing, quantity, quality, methodology, and biggest difficulty.

I’ll use email as an example. In order to target the time focus I ask: Approximately how many hours in a given month do you/your staff spend preparing, performing, or supporting this activity? For cost, I ask how much does the system spend in a year providing this function – not including staff expenses or secondary costs. I can use the salary information provided by the directors to narrow in on a time/cost which combined with the second question results roughly in a total cost for providing a function. My performed by whom and performed by whom questions ask for what percentage of member libraries or only the system is a function provided for, and what if any outside consultants, companies, services, or agents are used. This will better elaborate as what value gained from the cost spent. Quantity and quality can be used similarly: how many email accounts are supported, what features does the email account provide. Again this is an attempt at devising if the money used on email is being well spent compared to the answers provided by other systems. The last question is: What are the biggest difficulties facing your system in regards to this function? My hope is to figure out if there are any obvious problems that should be solved and whether or not consolidation can help solve them.

I’m happy with my questions – if answered they should supply me with enough answer to conclude with some degree of accuracy what the systems are doing as far as IT, how well they are doing IT, and how much they spend on IT. The issue is just the amount of questions. 125 items requires at least 2 hours of work. I’d have a tough time convincing staff members to dedicate that much time to a survey that has no enforcement. My big task now is deciding what I’m willing to sacrifice – which antagonizes me as both an employee of a system and as a ‘researcher’. A poorly performed survey might as well not even bother. How much value is there to something visibly and obviously incomplete? I’d get my 3 credits either way but any actual usefulness would be diminished.

No answer on that just yet. Soon perhaps. I’ll be meeting with my professor to get his opinion. He may have some good ideas for refining this further that I haven’t considered. I will report back posthaste.

So apparently I need to write a post…about something. I’ve gone nothing to write about so…exercise!

Write a 200-word description of a place. You can use any and all sensory descriptions but sight: you can describe what it feels like, sounds like, smells like and even tastes like. Try to write the description in such a way that people will not miss the visual details. Care of: Poe War

This particular exercise actually serves me well. In my attempted novel, I stuck on a section where my protagonist arrives at a fundraiser for a mayoral candidate at the candidate’s house. I’ve attempted to describe the scene before and never quite managed. Maybe this’ll give me an excuse to finally finish it.

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We parked a short ways down from the house amongst what would have been a field of thistle beside a car park. With the fundraiser in full swing, the field was lined with vehicles like some local fairground and the car park had been modified into an impromptu coat check.

After passing through security we climbed up the stone steps to the yard – a vast of orchard of well-wishers, reporters, social dilettantes, and serving staff. A small battalion manned the dozen odd buffet tables scattered around the perimeter. The rest strolled about with hors d’oeuvres and spritzers. Central amongst the cross-cropped grass, neatly washed sandstone pavement, and carefully tended pots of local in season flowers was a wooden dais presumably assembled for the affair at hand. Thorne posters hung from the balcony and pennants from flag poles placed at the octagonal corners. From the pedestal the whole celebratory affair was in full view.

None of this is to ignore the house itself. It was, as best as I could gather, a solid Georgian design of brick and hard wood. There were two chimneys, neither in use at current, black shutters, and a frosted rose window above the entrance. He owned a smart house, Mr. George Thorne. It’s just too bad he ruined it with an ugly addition around the back. Whoever thought to add vinyl to brick should be shot.

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200 words isn’t much. I’ll need to modify it a bit for my novel, but it’s rather clarified my own view of the place. Either way, it’s enough for today. Adieu.

“Choose a different color each day. Go on a walk looking for that day’s color. Come back and write about everything you saw that was that color.”

I’ve only got about ten minutes and I’m sitting at a desk instead of walking around. Color – I choose Blue.

Blue is my favorite color. It’s the color of the sky, of water, and of almost nothing else. Plants aren’t blue, animals are rarely blue, and almost nothing else natural or otherwise innately comes out blue. And yet, plenty around me is indeed blue. My computer screen, where I write this, is a dark shade of cerulean. The Microsoft Word background is a blue gradient growing ever darker as I continue. Beside me sit two disassembled wireless router – the first with a broken antennae, the second shorted out and useless. Both have blue faceplates and black plastic carapaces. Both are flimsy and residential grade – commercial equipment tends toward black, toward metal, toward a more primordial look. Beside me, I also have a small case of tools – black fabric with gray trimming. The cover of my certification exam book is mostly blue with white and yellow text. There’s a swiss army knife on the cover. My shirt has blue lines beside purple stripes on a black field. I almost never wear this shirt. I don’t recall purchasing it and I feel awkward wearing it.
On the top shelf of my desk, barely within reach, I have paper plates kept up there because I’ve got nowhere else to put them. The plates have a blue circle along the perimeter and blue decorations – water droplets surrounded by golden leaves. On my name tag there’s a blue shape meant to reflect the Mid-Hudson bridge – it’s basically a rectangle with a curved bottom and a big bite taken out of the top.
When I select text on my computer screen it’s blue by default. The text is made white so it shows up. Any other color here would look strange.
My coffee cup (only ever filled with water) says Eat Play Dream Read. The word Read is in blue beneath Dream in Purple, Play in red, and Eat in organe. I don’t really understand what the cup is about. Are we saying people really only eat, play, dream, and read, or should only? I’ve always made my list, read, write, travel, and collect. I would put them all in blue.
I keep, for whatever reason, a patriotic pencil – America flags along the length. Obviously blue there. I also have a screendriver with blue plastic between the handle and the shaft. Various marketing materials strewn about my desk are shades of blue. Most of them will go into the recycling bin that sits behind – itself a vibrant shade of blue. Of course, the Ethernet cables around me are mostly blue – other black or gray or yellow. Blue is the customary color for that sort of thing. I’ve become rather acquainted with the color as associated with computer wiring. Makes it easy to walk people through nests of copper.
Nothing else appears to be blue. The major color here is concrete white – a sort of ugly off white color conjuring up dreams of rapid, economical construction. Between the whites and offwhites, you might envision a hospital but it’s more akin to a storage facility. Everything drips toward yellow, the lights are yellow, turning blues into grays and grays into drearier grays. This place isn’t colorful. I am not surrounded by color.

I’ve also spent 10 minutes on this as I said I would. Maybe I’ll spend a bit more next week but for now this is sufficient. Adieu.

It’s become almost quaint to remark on how early the holiday season starts each year. It’s hardly any wonder. Every year we add another food, another holiday soundtrack, another round of gifts, another Television Special. Let no tradition ever be forgot! It’s the war cry of the nostalgic, the emotionally underserved, the soon to be bankrupt.

I largely do not like holidays and I do not make much effort to participate – Christmas can begin in February for all it particularly matters to me – but I never cease to wonder at just how strange it all is.

Santa, is, of course, the most singular manifestation of collective neurosis that ever was. Religion may be fake, but there are at least a few who argue the point. No one argues Santa is real – except when Children under 12 or so are in the room. That trigger justifies the most expansive lies, the most creative diagrams of fiction, the most elaborate ruses ever to be devised by the better part of humanity.

And it’s basically only America. We, the country of the atomic bomb, the microwavable burrito, and the low interest mortgage, engage each year in collective insanity to prevent it from getting out that, indeed, no jolly fat man breaks into homes across the world to deliver them gifts such as found in the Sunday circular. The lie is ridiculous – the extent to which we enforce it is sublimely insane. Indeed, I would hazard to guess that the average television station will show profanity, then violence, then sex, all before it allows a single word to be spoken undermining Santa Clause – unless the story ends at Santa is Real™.

I just have to wonder what will be written once America is gone. It’s largely recognized that America prefers to say than to think, and it prefers what it thinks to what it knows. Reality has never quite been a boundary for America. Perhaps that which has inspired America to the heights of power simply has the unfortunate side-effect of incurable psychosis? Will our inability to recognize the benefits of truth in spite of it all be our undoing? I would not be surprised – but I’d still put my money on a natural disaster instead. If we were not supremely capable of weaving fantastic stories this nonsense would have collapsed a thousand times over.

And really – it’s impressive. The man who runs about the mall yelling that Santa isn’t real would be tossed out and subject to opprobrium largely unknown in a culture where freedom has long since trumped civility. I can think of no other culture, no other aspect of American society, no other idea, concept, event, or invention that involves quite so many people all showing tacit acceptance as the idea of Santa. Perhaps the Chinese and Tiananmen Square? That at least has some basis in reality. Our obsession with Christmas is relatively new, but I can only imagine it comes from a desire to create a better fiction than reality – that is the basis of many stories, no? As a culture, we wish we were innocent. We wish the world were better than it is. Instead of finding some value in the simple truth – parents buy the presents as gifts for their children – we instead create some magical world that has far more promise and mystery – until such time as it inevitable collapses. It seems rather cruel. I have to think Santa is more for the benefit of adults than children. They may enjoy Santa for a few years, but at least a few have to wonder about a society so keen and unified on lying to its children. It’s for adults trying to give children what they never had – a world that can never exist. Managing expectations as its very worse.

We are a deluded culture. I can’t imagine that turns out well for us. Let it not be said that we don’t try, though. We have created something impossible. For as long we last, we can take solace in that much. And every year we will push it just a little bit earlier. Until it all implodes, we can hardly do otherwise.

Today we’re going to try something a little bit different. You see – I know I need to write something, specifically a writing exercise, but I’m also in a state of apoplexy. Usually I can maintain my employment through enforced dedicated apathy. As long as I absolutely don’t give a shit what happens here, I can cooly solve its problems and ignore everything else. Sometimes though… something triggers this wave, something instantaneous and compelling, of pure unbridled fury. In this case, a vendor, with a long history of having an inadequate product, providing inadequate support, and making changes without any forewarning, decided to make one of these changes, botch it, and then call me in to fix it.

Allow me to describe this sensation. I envision it as sort of a lock and key. The lock is a cranky mood primed to be angry. Generally speaking, I’m more of a depressed self-defeatist than someone poisoned to rage, but I also respond quickly to irritation. When I’m irritated I start to cycle through my real and perceived injustices. That puts the lock in place.

The key is the single spark that unravels everything. Seeing that the vendor had installed a FTP server without talking to me – that was a grevious breach of etiquette, best practices, or general knowledge. It’s a security risk, it took down a production environment during production hours, it was something well beyond his right or capacity – and that was enough. I felt may face get warm, my tongue go dry. The heart sped up and my hands started to shake. I began to pace around – I could tell that there’s too much adrenaline in the veins.

This is the most dangerous moment in the rage. I retain some capacity to think clearly, but I find myself unbearably cruel. This is when I’m most apt to quit my job, dig into someone for better or worse, to bring forth all the running grievances I have against the world. Over time this lowers my adrenaline rage, but fuels an extended bad mood that persists for a few hours. I best spend this time pacing around until something distracts me – in this case a friend with a corrupt word doc that was easily fixed. I was able to recognize quite keenly that this fix was unrelated to my rage – and thusly I’m pulled away from my cyclical whirlwind of rage leading to rage leading to rage. It breaks the cycle and calms me down…mostly.

I’m still suffering spasms of intense disagreement with existence, hence I’m writing myself through to the end. It’s a rare sort of thing for me to be angry, but then again I rarely have much to be angry about. I rather hope to have a proper writing exercise next week. For my employments sake, I hope it stays quiet. Otherwise, I’ll be back and quite a bit worse off.